Oh, recruiters…

Part of having an account on LinkedIn is getting tons of emails from recruiters. If  the advertised roles are relevant to you or not, that’s another question. If I think about it actually – is there another benefit of having a LinkedIn account?!

From time to time though, I get real gems like the following:

Dear George,

Hope you are well today.

I am representing an organisation that has tasked me to get in contact with you due to your JAVA knowledge, industry background and work ethic. I appreciate that you might not be looking for a change right now. However, due to the rare and high attraction of this opportunity I would hope this message initiates enough interest to start a conversation about your current work situation and your motivations are for the future…

The company in question is one of the most disguised within the U.K who are fortunate enough to be in partnership with some of the largest and reputable companies in the U.K. They are a consulting company by nature but I don’t want to scare you with the words “consulting company”. The reason being is that they are very different to other organisations as they only deal with long existing partnerships with some of the most highly reputable companies in the U.K and in the world. It is there business plan to hire professionals who can add value to this vision and to have good programming knowledge and an interest in furthering their career through potential team leading and/or even management roles. All of this is possible with the way they are progressing their organisation.

Their belief is that the key benefits of working in this way is that you will get the cultural benefits of an “in-house” role, with the attractive travel options and close team orientation but you also get the consultative benefits. Such as exposure to the latest technologies, career/skill development which is more structured and also the personal benefits like salary, health plans/pensions and company car. It is there vision to bring the best of both worlds together.

I hope you like the sound of this company and I will be more than happy to discuss this in more detail in a telephone call.

I look forward to hearing from you.

I made it a rule of mine not to reply to emails like that, but this time I couldn’t help it, so I sent this:

Dear Chris,

First of all, my JAVA knowledge tends to be close to 0 (zero), nowhere in my CV (or my LinkedIn profile, for that matter) is there such a statement.

Another thing is that I have no idea what a “disguised” company is – are they in hiding by any chance? Or you mean “distinguished”, which has an entirely different meaning?

Also, I can only assume you wanted to let me know at some point in your message about “their vision”, “there” denotes a location as far as I know.

And one last thing that puzzles me a bit, is that the “subject” of your inMail says “0% Travel” and yet, in the last paragraph you mention something about “attractive travel options”.

Joke aside now, mate, make sure you get your messages straight before sending them, you’re really not inspiring any kind of confidence, really…

Kind Regards,
George (not a JAVA developer)

Just thought it’ll be good to leave this here…